Healing After Loss: A Journey of Faith and Grief Recovery with Teresa Davis

What happens when you face the unbearable loss of a child? How do you begin to heal and find hope again? In this powerful episode, grief mentor and podcast host Teresa Davis shares her deeply personal journey of healing after the devastating loss of her child. Through her podcast, The Grief Mentor, and her mentoring programs for grieving mothers, Teresa offers heartfelt guidance and practical support to those navigating the complexities of grief.

Grief shakes us to our core, often challenging our faith and understanding of life’s most painful moments. Teresa opens up about the importance of safe, supportive communities during grief recovery and dispels the myth that a righteous life guarantees protection from tragedy. She also discusses the profound role of trauma therapy in processing emotions and finding peace in the storm.

With raw honesty, Teresa talks about the spiritual struggle of wrestling with God’s sovereignty and finding comfort in faith through the presence of the Holy Spirit. She explains how “living in the pause” has helped her draw strength during times of unimaginable loss. This episode is not just for grieving mothers but for anyone looking for hope, healing, and the courage to move forward after loss. Teresa also shares a wealth of resources, from one-on-one mentorship to a comprehensive grief recovery program, designed to guide others on their journey toward healing.

Connect with Teresa:
Website: www.thegriefmentor.com
1:1 Grief Mentor Session: https://bit.ly/GriefMentorSession
12 Week Small Group Experience: The Grief Roadmap: https://thegriefmentor.com/course

Chapters

• 0:16 Grief Mentor Podcast
• 13:09 Navigating Grief With Compassion
• 27:42 Questions of God's Sovereignty and Protection
• 40:04 Living in the Pause
• 44:26 Coping With Triggers and Grief

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:16

Welcome to the Hope Unlocked podcast. I'm your host, kristen Kurtz, and I'm also the founder of New Wings Coaching. I help and empower wildhearted and adventurous women of faith feeling caged and stuck, unlock their true purpose and potential, break free from limitations and thrive with confidence, courage and hope. If you're curious to learn more about coaching with me, head to newwingscoachingnet and be sure to explore the show notes for ways to connect with me further. Get ready to dive in as we uncover empowering keys and insights in this episode. So tune in and let's unlock hope together.

Speaker 1: 0:48

Welcome to the Hope Unlocked podcast. I'm Kristen Kurtz, your host. I pray this episode is like a holy IV of hope for your soul. Please help me. Welcome Teresa Davis to the show. I am just so honored to have her here today. I heard a little bit about her story recently and I just took a little bold step out and just said hey, would you be willing to come on and share your story with us? So, teresa, would you be willing to share a little bit about yourself and we'll get into the episode.

Speaker 2: 1:16

Well, yes, kristen, and thank you for inviting me on to Hold Unlocked. I see this as a wonderful opportunity. I appreciate that. So thank you for your commitment to serving others, and I'm so thankful to be here. So I'm you know, I'm Teresa Davis. I am a grief mentor, a podcaster, and I help women grieve the loss of their child, and I have been doing this now for about two years. My husband and I have been married for 42 years. We live in a little cozy town here in southern Indiana and I feel very led and drawn toward broken hearts, and God has called me to teach others what he has taught me, and I take that very seriously because I feel like that. The world we live in needs hope, and if he can use me and my story to bring hope to others, then I say yes.

Speaker 1: 2:14

Well, tell us a little bit more about how you've even been led into podcasting. If you could tell us the name of your podcast, I want people to be able to find you.

Speaker 2: 2:30

And then you know what are you doing now in ministry, wise, with women? Well, the podcast is called the grief mentor podcast. It's pretty simple.

Speaker 2: 2:36

I consider myself a mentor because I am one of those that I coach and I've lived the life of learning to have to live in this space, in this earth suit without my child, and so the wisdom that God has given me that came at a high price, came at a great cost.

Speaker 2: 2:54

I have made the decision that I want to help other women be able to manage their grief, so the podcast is just simply called the Grief Mentor Podcast, and I do have.

Speaker 2: 3:07

I have some free resources on my website, so if you want to get to know me a little better, you can visit my website. I have a free grief survival guide there that I've created around my own personal grief, because music is very difficult to listen to after your child goes to heaven and I also have a free grief support group that meets monthly and you have to be a grief mentor insider to be able to join that, and it's only for child loss. And then I also offer one-on-one grief mentoring with grieving moms as well, as I have a 12-week what I call a 12-week grief roadmap experience where I spend 12 weeks with 10 moms 10 is usually the max that I feel like that I can be able to mentor well through the program, and there's 26 lessons and seven hours of video there that I've created, based on the six steps that I feel like that you have to manage after your child leaves you to be able to successfully navigate your grief journey.

Speaker 2: 4:15

So my heart is been led in that direction and I have said yes and totally leaning on him for the strength and the ability to be able to do that.

Speaker 1: 4:28

Well, thank you for sharing more about the path he has you on and how you are bringing people alongside with you to help them heal and to be whole as well as they can through this journey whole as well as they can through this journey. Um, I know we were talking a little bit before we got started. Would you? Would you share a little bit more about? You know music, cause I know music. For me it is just so healing and, um, you know, I haven't I had two miscarriages, um, when I, you know, I was young, and after I was first saved, and it was for me personally, the grief I didn't grieve until probably about 10 years ago, and that was, let's see, almost 20 years ago that those miscarriages happened. I didn't know how to grieve. Can you speak to, maybe, somebody who is walking through whether it's the loss of a child or miscarriage, or a family member? What does that look like? How do you actually grieve? I don't think we're taught how to grieve.

Speaker 2: 5:58

I would agree, kristen. We live in a very grief illiterate society. It's not something that Americans feel comfortable talking about, right, because just look at your advertisement. This boost so that you can be the best in your you know, 60s, 70s, 80s None of us want to entertain death. Therefore, we live in a very grief illiterate society, and it breaks my heart.

Speaker 2: 6:13

I'm thankful to hear that you were able to grieve your miscarriages after those 10 long years, but so many of our examples that have been given to us by our generations before us is that you just don't talk about it. Right, you don't. You don't open up, you don't share those really deep seated feelings. You're supposed to keep those inside, but what we have learned over time is that that doesn't go well for us as human beings. Right, because if we don't learn to manage our grief, our grief will manage us. It will come to the surface. I like word pictures. So if you can imagine a wound that is deep inside of your body and it just stays there and festers, eventually it's going to burst, it's going to come out and you're going to notice it. It's going to be in your relationships. It's going to burst, it's going to come out and you're going to notice it, it's going to be in your relationships, it's going to be in your own mental well-being, it's going to rob you of your peace because it's there but it's never been dealt with. And so what I've come to know is that there are steps that you can take when you grieve.

Speaker 2: 7:20

Now grief different losses are very managed. Grief in general as a whole is managed pretty much the same way, but individual losses really change how you grieve, because the relationship that you had with the person heavily influences the roadblocks that you have in your grief journey. So, for instance, the death of a child, you know the mother's heart that goes with. That brings much different grief than the grief when you lose a spouse. You know the love of your life, the grief of losing a parent, a sibling. They all come with very distinct characteristics of that grief, but what they all have in common is learning to live in that space without the person you love.

Speaker 2: 8:09

And that is what's most challenging for everybody, because death, we see death as very impermanent.

Speaker 2: 8:15

And our death is permanent. However, those of us that grieve with hope know that the person that died, if they know Jesus as their personal savior, they're still very much alive. They just don't have a physical body. So what I've learned in my two years of working with grieving moms is that how you view death, how you see death, will determine how you see your past, present and future with a person that's no longer walking beside you. And so the first things that I teach grieving moms is how to grieve well, and that is how to create boundaries that allows you to have the space to be able to grieve and acknowledge your grief and work through those feelings. Because, kristen, what happens is just basically what happened to you, whatever influenced you and your surroundings, to not talk about those miscarriages or to not work on that grief. You know, if we don't know how to create a safe environment for ourselves to be able to grieve, then we're not going to do that. So that's the first thing that I teach is how to create those safe environments for you to be able to expressieve. Then we're not going to do that. So that's the first thing that I teach is how to create those safe environments for you to be able to express your grief. And you know, I give people permission to learn how to say no and do what's best for them.

Speaker 2: 9:37

Because often, as believers, we have this mindset that to focus on ourself is somehow selfish. You know that mindset that. But what we don't take into consideration is that when you walk into a new event, grief is thrust upon you. Okay, it is not something we invite, especially when it comes to sudden loss, the loss of a child or loss of a spouse, any type of sudden loss. It is thrust upon you and then you are left with how to manage that right. So you go through this period of shock and you don't even know the steps that you need to take to be able to manage it. So that big step of learning and giving somebody permission, you got to learn how to live in this space.

Speaker 2: 10:28

And the example that I like to give people to give them permission to live in this space is what happened to Jesus. If you read in the book of Matthew, you will read that the night before he chose his disciples, he went alone. He went up on the mountain to pray alone because he was preparing for the next phase of his ministry. So what I like to encourage folks to do, when you're creating that safe space to grieve, is that you're doing exactly what we were given the example by for Jesus, because he was preparing for that next phase of his ministry. Jesus, because he was preparing for that next phase of his ministry.

Speaker 2: 11:08

When you learn the tools to be able to manage your grief, when you create that safe place, you're creating a place for you to learn to be able to manage this phase of your life, the season of your life. So that's a huge component to allow yourself to be able to feel the feelings and not just feel the feelings. Right, we don't want to just allow the feelings to be there. We got to learn how to manage those feelings and there's a lot that goes into that.

Speaker 1: 11:35

So in, like your, in your 12 week pathway, are you? Are you seeing a lot of women? I mean, I, I haven't walked through what you've walked through on on, you know, this level. I can't even imagine, like my, my oldest we just brought him to college about four weeks ago and I had my own grief and I was like I didn't even know I was going to grieve, like I didn't expect it, you know, um, but like if you, if you could give I don't know if you'd be able to give maybe a testimony of somebody that you've walked alongside, um, you don't have to give, obviously, personal details, but what does that look like for you to come alongside somebody and to really help them?

Speaker 1: 12:22

You know, set those boundaries, because I imagine, and I think it's even hard for many of us at times, like, how do we come alongside people? How do we come alongside people who are, you know, walking through something difficult such as, you know, losing a child or a spouse? Maybe we could start there, like, how do you come alongside somebody? Well, like, what do people need?

Speaker 2: 13:09

What people need, kristen, is to be seen and heard, offer advice, because because grief, everybody's so uncomfortable with grief, we think it's fixable, right. Well, you're feeling if somebody is expressing to you their deep feelings of grief and loss, it can be uncomfortable because, first of all, you're not familiar with it unless you've been through it, and so it kind of makes people feel like they have to say or do something to fix them. But that's not what they need. You know, they need somebody that really listens, and I would say that is the number one thing that you can do for someone to walk alongside them in their grief is just listen, and I can't encourage that enough. And if they want to give them the opportunity to talk about their grief because when you're grieving you go through all sorts of different seasons and you may not want to talk about it at all you just may want somebody to be in that space with you, somebody that you know I say surround yourself with safe people, and my definition of safe people is somebody that's there for your benefit and not theirs.

Speaker 2: 14:29

So you know, you think of your relationships as a bullseye. So you know we all have these really tight relationships with people that we do life with. They're in the very center. Then you have the next bullseye of people that are in your life but they're not necessarily in your everyday life, and then you have the next circle of what we would call acquaintances and it goes out from there. So it's important, when you're grieving, to allow someone who is safe, somebody that's not there with an agenda of some sort, just somebody that you trust, that you can allow yourself to be who you are in front of them. They're not going to judge you, they're not going to make comments about the way you should feel or the way you should not feel, because everybody's perception of grief brings different feelings, and so you don't want to be chastised or criticized for the way that you feel. Allow that person to just be themselves, to speak their heart without judgment. That would be the best advice I could give you if you're coming alongside somebody that has suffered significant loss.

Speaker 1: 15:35

Yeah, thank you so much for sharing.

Speaker 1: 15:37

I feel like you know whoever's listening today, I do believe every time somebody comes on here it's like an on time word, right, and it's something that we can take into our journey because we are going to encounter people who have walked through loss and grief and, like I said earlier, like we're not trained in this, we're not. We're not trained to know what to say. I I I go back to um seven years ago. I had just finished going through Christian coach Institute and a week later my dad passed away and it was almost like I was, inadvertently, I learned how to grief coach in a way, because I could just listen to my mom, you know, because as a coach, we listen and then we maybe ask questions, but we don't tell people what to do. But that was really challenging walking alongside of her, because I us a little bit more of your experience and what that looked like for others to maybe know firsthand from somebody. Obviously, this is very vulnerable testimonial if you're open to sharing what that looked like for you personally.

Speaker 2: 17:11

Sure, I would love to share that because I want to give people the freedom to be able to express themselves. And so I'm a Christian. I've been a Christian since I was 10 years old, but I had a really big struggle with God, and that is very common. Not everybody experiences that, but a large majority of people do. And so, yeah, I would love, I'd love to share my testimony with you.

Speaker 2: 17:33

So you know, our son was 32 years old. He was a corporate pilot. He flew out one morning, Everything was fine. He was flying his president, vice president of his company, to a corporate meeting, and his plane went down four minutes after takeoff and all souls on board died. So it was a very.

Speaker 2: 17:56

It was a very traumatic loss. When you have a 10 passenger multi-engine jet falling out of the sky from 10,000 feet, it creates a lot of damage, and so it was a very sudden, unexpected death, and for us there was no evidence of Andrew's death. So it left many scars to be able to have to work through and as it unfolded it lasted a very. You know the accident happened on a Friday morning. You know we didn't get confirmation of Andrew's death until Sunday, so it was a very traumatic event and child death often is. And as a believer and someone who had taught women's Bible study my whole life, I had somewhere along the way in my journey. I'm not sure I can't say that I was specifically taught this, but I think a lot of times in our churches there is this unspoken word that if you do all the right things, that if you, you know you serve the Lord, you you pray, you read your Bible I taught women's Bible studies that bad things won't happen to you.

Speaker 2: 19:09

Well that's a lie.

Speaker 2: 19:12

That's a lie, and so I had. I went on a journey through god's word to discover that he was who he said he was. Because at that point in my life I could only see a god who let my son die, who let that plane fall out of the sky when he could have stopped it, and all I saw in my mind's eye was the backside of God walking away, letting my son to die alone, and it was a very traumatic thing for me. I spent the first year in some very concentrated trauma therapy. I went to the crash site that day because I got the call that actually I didn't. My daughter-in-law called me and she was happened to be in Chicago waiting for him. And they were. He was married, had two children and he she had gone to visit her parents. That's where her parents lived and they were going to meet there. And she called and told me that day that Andrew never made it to the airport, me that day that Andrew never made it to the airport.

Speaker 2: 20:20

But as a mom, I didn't connect those dots. I said, well, what do you mean? So you know, being a mom, I'm an RN, I worked ER for 10 years, you know you bolt into action and I went to the hangar that he flew out of. Once I got the notification on my phone that the plane had gone down, I went to the crash side. Of course, they wouldn't let me on the crash side, so I saw things, I heard things, and you just don't recover easily from that. So I had some really intense therapy, which I would say was a huge benefit. I sought therapy right away because I knew that I was weighing over my head, but when it all came down to it, kristen, I was really angry at God because it could have right and he didn't.

Speaker 2: 21:00

So it was. We don't have enough time today to take you through all that journey, but I will tell you it was a year of us fighting and wrestling with God. I mean, I don't know if you're familiar with the story when Jacob wrestled with God.

Speaker 2: 21:15

But, that's what happened. I wrestled with him because I said you know you allow this to happen and you shouldn't have. That was my mindset. So he took me through his word, kristen, and he answered every single question that I had and that created a relationship between he and I that I could have never imagined that I would ever have, because the Word of God looks very different to you after something tragic like that happens. Right, I had lost my father, which I'm very sympathetic.

Speaker 2: 21:48

When you said you lost your dad, he was the very first person I'd never lost to death, and he and I were very close and I, too, tried to help my mother manage her grief and that's a very never lost to death and he and I were very close and I too, you know, tried to help my mother manage her grief. And that's a very challenging place to be, because you were grieving as well, kristen. So you were grieving and you were trying to help your mother manage her grief. That's a, you know, that's a challenging situation, so I'm very sympathetic to that. But and then I lost my mother. But losing a child is an unnatural death, so to speak, and you don't ever entertain the thought that when you birth a child and you're holding them in your arms that one day that you're not going to be able to grow old with that child. So it's a guttural grief that can destroy your life if you cannot come to terms with being able to understand it.

Speaker 2: 22:40

And so that's. I do a lot of coaching with women to help them manage their grief in terrible circumstances, kristen, because when life doesn't turn out like we expect, it changes our whole trajectory into our future. It takes away your purpose to live, it takes away your joy, it takes away your ability to even focus on what you're doing in the moment. It is overwhelming, past what anybody can begin to understand. It's like you're sucked up into a tornado and you're being thrown all over the place with no nothing to reach out to, to grab onto, to ground you, and that's where you spend that first year. It's very confusing, it's very, um, disorienting. You know, you, I often use the analogy of being like in a big tumbleweed You're just being tossed across the desert with no direction and no ability to be able to even find a way forward. And so when I helped, you know and I felt every moment of that so what the Lord took me through in that journey little by little, by little, he began to reveal Himself to me in a way I'd never known. And you can't make it through something like this, kristen, unless you trust him. And what I've come to know and what I teach the moms that I work with you will never reach that place of being able to trust him unless you know him. And I don't mean know him in a superficial way, I mean know him is your lifeline to live, because the weight that sits on you when you go through something like your child's death, it is a weight that's so heavy it crushes the life out of you, you know. That's why the scripture tells us that he is close to the broken heart and those that are crushed in spirit, because it's not something that you can overcome on your own. It takes supernatural intervention because you can't survive it any other way. And so the journey that I went on personally that first year was I don't even remember all of it, to be honest. I mean he and I had some really strong encounters that I will never forget in ways that he revealed himself to me.

Speaker 2: 25:09

But then, you know, as time began to go on and he began to answer those questions for me, I began to see scripture in a whole different, a whole different view. Right, the way we see suffering in our societies as Christians is that often we feel like we're not supposed to suffer, right. But when you look at the word of God and you, you look at what happened to his disciples yeah, you look at what happened to john the baptist, right and see, we look at death. You know, death became a part of our existence because of sin. You know, it was never god's perfect plan for death to be a part of our life. His, his perfect plan was the Garden of Eden, to live and to walk with his people. But when sin entered the world, that's when death entered the world, and so death is a curse. But we see death as such a terrible thing and in reality, if you're a believer, that's when your life begins, the way God intended it to be.

Speaker 1: 26:15

Yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 26:17

Now, that's not someplace that you're going to start mentoring a newly bereaved mom.

Speaker 1: 26:23

Right.

Speaker 2: 26:23

Right, but that is, that's where you're going. That's where you're going. You're teaching them, you're giving them the tools that they need to be able to process their grief. Because here's the truth and I've witnessed this over and over, even in my own personal journey All the questions that you have that create data in your mind about who God is, what he's capable of, all of those questions have to be answered before you can get to the place where you can trust him Right, because the rug's been pulled out from underneath of you.

Speaker 2: 26:53

And so then you're like OK, well, you're not who I thought you were Right. So you know you. It all comes down to seeking him with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength, and that can be really challenging when you're really, when the noise of grief is so loud in your head that you can't even put your clothes on. You know that's, that's not someplace where you're going to start with that grieving mom. So, being able to be seen and heard, now, I was determined. I was determined that I was going to get the answers to my questions, and I think that I saw him so hard that he did.

Speaker 2: 27:32

He answered all of them, except for why, and that is that's what keeps grieving moms stuck so many times is the why. And that's what keeps grieving moms stuck so many times, is the why. But we don't understand God's sovereignty, right, we have human minds. The Word of God says that His ways are higher than ours, his thoughts are much higher than ours, and we can't comprehend the mind of God. But we know that God's attributes is he is just and he is good and he is merciful. But we know that God's attributes is he is just and he is good and he is merciful, and he does not allow things to happen to us. You know his perfect will is for none of us to have experienced death.

Speaker 1: 28:02

Right.

Speaker 2: 28:03

But when God allows things to happen to us, it puts us in a place to where we question everything, and that's when those cracks in those foundations start to become evident. And you got to get those cracks fixed before you can have a foundation firm enough to build upon.

Speaker 1: 28:20

Yeah well, would you be willing to share maybe one of your questions that you had that was so pressing and when he answered it really helped you to. You know, just stand up again.

Speaker 2: 28:33

Yes. So the first question I had was I felt like God was a liar and I told him so because my whole life I prayed for protection for my children. You know, all through school. You know we started every one of our days with a devotion, from wee little all the way up when my kids went to college. You know now my daughter and I talk about it and Andrew, when he was still here, we talked about it because we had family prayer on Sunday nights. It was not. It was not an option. Ok, I don't care where they were or what they were doing at that specific time. We had a three way call and we did family prayer time and one of the greatest blessings that is unexpected blessing when my daughter-in-law was moving, we were going through some stuff in a box she had and we found Andrew's prayer journal that he kept when he was in college. So you know I'm not saying I'm saying, but there was not a superficial relationship there. You know it was. We spent time in the word. We taught our children to do the same. So I felt like God was a liar because if you read through the book of Psalms, he talks about his protection all the way through there. Well, why didn't he protect my son? Did he not love my son, you know? Why wasn't he there?

Speaker 2: 29:49

So that was the biggest hurdle and he and I really probably the first three or four weeks after Andrew's death, it was a very, very dark time for me because I was angry, feel darkness, and I had to get my sister. Where are you praying friends? And if you don't have those, sister, you need some. You know, and they, they started praying for me.

Speaker 2: 30:19

But something happened to me one night and I'm not a dreamer, I've never really been a dreamer but I wanted answers to that question of why didn't he protect him, because I felt like protection was, was something that he guaranteed. Right, you pray, you ask, you get protection. And he allowed me to see a dream one night. I won't go into the dream because it's pretty lengthy, but he allowed me to see something during that dream and I woke up gasping for air because he let me see what my life would look like if his protection wasn't on me. And he said to me, not audibly but very loud in my spirit my protection is real. And so I sat straight up in bed that night and I said, okay, okay.

Speaker 2: 31:06

I get it because I was scared. I was scared for my life. What he allowed me to see scared me enough to know that he was in charge and I wasn't. But here's what I want to let people know, kristen, these were prayers of lament and they weren't pretty, but God heard them. I want you to have the freedom that he is not afraid to hear your thoughts, because he knows them anyway. I mean, let's be honest, he knows them anyway. And so he let me see what my life would be like if I wasn't covered by his protection. So I said to him, in the middle of the Baptist right, he took me straight to that story.

Speaker 2: 31:54

I started reading about John the Baptist and he didn't protect John from losing his head right. This was a person whose sole purpose was to be the forerunner of Christ. And if you read the story of John, john did not lose his life until his mission was complete. If you read that story, you know that Jesus he had baptized Jesus, jesus had started his ministry while John was in prison and he sent John, sent his disciples out to find out was the man in Galilee that was healing the sick and making the blind see? Was he the Christ? And John's disciples come back and said, yes, he told us to tell you, yes, he is the Christ.

Speaker 2: 32:34

So, in my personal opinion, I feel like God allowed John to know that he had accomplished the purpose that God had called him to do, and then he brought him home. So, you know, I'm of the mindset that we, when God creates us before the foundations of the world are laid, we're created with purpose, and I believe, according to the book of Psalms, that all of our days are numbered before one of them came to be. So when our children leave this earth, when our loved ones leave this earth, it's not a surprise to God. Right, all of heaven is standing ready, because they know one of theirs is coming home that day, and that is a hope that I like to help my grieving mom see. But what he showed me through the word of God is that physical protection is not guaranteed. Right, look at John the Baptist. Look at every one of the disciples. Every one of them lost their lives tragically, except one, and that was John, and he was outcast on the island of Patmos alone. Okay, that's where the book of Revelation came from. Okay, he was alone with God on that island, but he had bad things happen to him before he ended up on that Island, but he's the only one that died a natural death, so so then? So what does this mean then? Well, what is guaranteed? Well, what's guaranteed Kristen is spiritual protection, because he showed me in his word, in Ephesians 1, 13,. It says that when we become a Christ follower, we are sealed, stamped Some versions say stamped with the promise of what's to come.

Speaker 2: 33:59

That promise is the Holy Spirit. When Jesus went back to heaven, he sent the Holy Spirit to dwell inside of us. That's the promise when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. That promise is the Holy Spirit that dwells within us as the foretaste, or the future, as a deposit of what is the guarantee. Okay, that scripture look it up uses the word guarantee of what's to come. You only see the word guarantee in the Bible when it's linked with a covenant, and when it's a covenant, that means that it cannot be broken. God does not break his word. He cannot break his word because of who he is.

Speaker 2: 34:37

So that's what he taught me. That was the biggest question that I had in the beginning and it took a while. That didn't come, you know, overnight. That took a while for him to get me to that place, to understand. He does not promise physical protection. Now, physical protection is promised. Well, I won't use the word promise. Physical protection is given in the sovereignty of God and we see that over and over in the Word of God. Remember when Esther went before the king? Her purpose was to save the nation of Israel. Ok, we can see. When Daniel was thrown into the lion's den, we can see that provision.

Speaker 2: 35:17

But what about Stephen? Remember Stephen's story? You know he was brought before the Sanhedrin court to testify because Jesus was dead. Right, they crucified him. The body was gone.

Speaker 2: 35:31

There was the tension in Jerusalem was out of this world. You know, paul, they had sent Saul at that point out. You know they were getting ready to send him out to go gather all the Christians that ran away because everybody was scared to death of what was going to happen. So they brought Stephen in to question him and he told them the Sanhedrin court you killed the Messiah made him so mad. They took him outside and stoned him to death. So where was God's protection there? Right?

Speaker 2: 35:58

But this is the beauty in that story. Before Stephen lost his life, the scripture tells us that the scrolls of heaven were turned back. Do you remember that story? He saw Jesus standing on the right hand of the father. He knew what was what was in front of him. And something else about that story that's very significant is Saul, who became Paul, was standing there when Stephen was stoned to death. So God doesn't do anything that he doesn't use for his purposes. He doesn't allow anything that he doesn't use for his purpose, and he is the one, in his sovereignty, because he is perfect and just in all his ways, he is the one who decides whether or not physical protection is guaranteed or given in that moment.

Speaker 1: 36:46

Teresa, you are just a well of wisdom and you know it's most of it in this. You know, journey has come through. You know, I would say for myself too, a lot of my intimacy with the Lord has come through the hard times. It hasn't just been, you know, easy right, Because I think if everything was easy we wouldn't really need him as much as we do in these times. Does that make sense? What I'm saying? Absolutely. You know the times that you know, back to when I had the miscarriages. I don't think anybody would have ever.

Speaker 1: 37:26

You know, I think back to like what do you do, like as a friend? I don't think anybody I was literally a brand new believer would have said go read the book of Job. But I think I was just so desperate I flipped the Bible open and read the book of Job and I think this part of what happened to me in this I don't know if this will make sense, but I think what happened to me is I saw a man who walked through so much grief and came out on the other side and I said to myself if he can go through all that, I can go through this too. But it became kind of more of a. Okay, strap on your bootstraps and let's keep going. You know it wasn't stop. Feel the grief and you know. Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2: 38:11

Yeah, and, and we're encouraged to do that, we're encouraged to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and keep going. But when you don't get it settled, kristen, when you don't get it settled, it's always going to be a thorn, it's always going to be a tool of the enemy to drive you away, to create a wedge between you and the Holy Spirit. That's why it's so important to get it worked out and to get the answers that you need and I don't mean just frivolous answers, I mean answers out of the Word of God because that thorn will fester and it'll create doubt and lead you down pathways that are not healthy for you, because you've not been able to process your grief and like, rectify it with the Lord, and you know that time.

Speaker 1: 38:58

I know we have to wrap up soon. Um, as you've, you know, walked through this. We can. You know, we can see that the Lord has given you a mighty purpose through this to walk alongside women. And had you not walked through this, that wouldn't be happening, right.

Speaker 2: 39:19

Yes, and that's something that is hard to reckon with, because I will never verbalize and say that I'm thankful that my son died, but what I am thankful for is that I know, I know.

Speaker 2: 39:32

I know God in a way that I probably would have never known him. I'm going to cry had this not happened to me, because it made me. I could not see me living my life without my precious son, and in order for me to be able to do that, he had to take me on that journey to teach me what he's taught me. Because, you know, what I like to tell my moms is that you're living in the pause, right Life. If your child was a believer and you know there's a lot of unknowns sometimes that goes along, especially with child loss, but we are not the judge, we are not the ones who make that decision. The Word of God says that His heart is for no one to perish. So we do not know we put God. The biggest mistake I think we make as Christians is that we put Him in our box of possibilities. Right, if we can't figure it out here how it can happen? We think, well, it didn't happen, but that's crazy. Right, because God can present this plan of salvation to someone and they don't ever have to say a word. That can happen in their minds and in their spirits and they can respond to that. And so what I like to encourage moms that have that walk through those unknowns is that God's heart is for no one to perish and everyone will have a chance to accept or reject. And so I like to encourage moms to say it's not over, right? Yes, we need the tools and the ability to be able to live in this moment, and the way that you do that is in the presence of the Holy Spirit. It's not going to happen any other way, right? So we're living in the pause. It's not over. And so I know that I am going to see my son again, because he is very much alive. He is in spirit form. He lost his earth suit, right, but he is very much alive in the presence of God in the third heaven, because that's where the scripture tells us where God resides. He resides in the third heaven, and we know when Jesus died on the cross, he said and to you I commend my spirit, which is the breath of life that he gave us when we took that first breath. And so our spirit, when we die, lives on. That's why it's called eternal life, that's why that deposit that has been given to us when we are stamped with the seal of the Holy Spirit, that's the promise of what's to come. And so, yes, that's important to be able to understand that, because then your future starts to look a whole lot different if you don't understand that.

Speaker 2: 42:01

So that is the hope that we've been given, because, you know, in Hebrews 6, 14, it says his hope is strong and it's a trustworthy anchor for your soul that leads us behind the curtain. Trustworthy anchor for your soul that leads us behind the curtain. That's a beautiful piece of scripture, kristen, because before Christ died, there was a veil that only the priest could enter, but no more. When Christ died, that veil was torn down. That's what that piece of scripture says. It in 619. It leads us, that hope, leads us behind the curtain into his inner sanctuary. We can sit in the presence of Almighty God.

Speaker 2: 42:38

That's how we survive when life doesn't turn out like we expect.

Speaker 1: 42:44

Yes, living in the pause. Wow, those three words. Living in the pause. Three words living in the pause. It's the, that permission to breathe and to be still in his presence. You have a devotional. Is that the name of the devotional?

Speaker 2: 43:06

The name of the devotional is Finding Hope and Healing in the Midst of Grief, and it chronicles my first year. I journaled for the first year of Andrew's death. It was really kind of difficult to go back and read that because it's really raw. But the Lord told me one day when I was out for a walk. You know not audibly, but he told me in my spirit I want you to write it down. And I didn't know what he meant. And eventually it came to me that he wanted me to write down the lessons that he taught me. So it's not a typical devotion book where it carries necessarily a theme or topic, but it is my grief journey that I went through for that first year and it's all of the word of God that he used to teach me to get me to where I am now.

Speaker 1: 43:58

Well, you are such a blessing and thank you so much for sharing, you know, big parts of your heart. Like I was, I was feeling that guttural. I'm a feeler so I could, I could feel like the guttural feeling as you were speaking. I I just I mourn with you and I'm sure that there's still moments that you have where you have to live in that pause again. Right.

Speaker 2: 44:24

Yeah, to live in that pause again. Right, yeah, I mean it's. You know we all have triggers. Whether you've had trauma or any type of grief, there's always triggers and that's a big part of what I teach mamas to have to learn how to deal with, because they're always going to be there and so I'm able to. You know, I've taught myself how to do it and I'm able to teach them to do it as well. And absolutely there are times when you know you just long to have a conversation, you just long to hear their voice, you long to hear I love you Mom, you long to hear feel that arm slip around your neck. And you know those longings never, ever go away and it's okay to feel it. You know I made um from my grandchildren, andrew.

Speaker 2: 45:08

I had two children, he and erica, and for them I made a blanket out of his clothes for them. And I was probably I don't know two, three years into my grief journey when I opened that tote of his clothes and I could smell Andrew it was, I was a mess and my husband come in and I'm in the floor. I am just wailing and just in horrible grief. I didn't expect that and that's what a trigger is. It's something that comes unexpectedly, that brings on an emotional, psychological response. It could be a slight smell, something you see, something you feel, and I was just a total mess.

Speaker 2: 45:50

And so I realized what was happening to me and I allowed myself to be in that moment for about 30 minutes and then I told myself OK, you have felt the feelings and you have felt the grief, and I was very motivated to do those blankets for those children. One of the hardest things I've ever done is to cut up my son's clothes, but I was very motivated to do that for them so that they would have something for their dad. But I allowed myself to stay in that space and to feel those feelings and let it come out, because when we push it down, it's going to come out somehow. Right, it's going to come out because you know when we push it down, it's going to come out somehow. Right. It's going to come out in your health, your physical health. It's going to come out in your relationship. So it's important to allow yourself to have those moments, but not to stay there, I guess, is probably what I would say.

Speaker 1: 46:36

Yeah, well, I I'm sure we could. We could talk forever. You have so much that you have shared here that I know is helping, is going to help many. But beyond what you've shared here you have, could you just share again what you have to offer women?

Speaker 2: 46:55

Yes, I have a website so you can go check me out there. It's at the grief mentor dot com. I have several free resources. I have a free grief masterclass that I did back in August. It's excellent. You're not going to hear what you hear in that masterclass anywhere else, because I am one of you, especially if you've lost a child.

Speaker 2: 47:18

So I give you the three keys to be able to survive child loss, and that's free. It's on my website. All you have to do is go there, put your email in. It'll come right to your inbox. You can watch that video. It's about an hour long. I also have a free grief survival guide that'll give you the first six steps to take whenever you're very new in your grief. It's very, very basic, very simple, and it's exactly what you need when you're newly bereaved. I also have the grief worship playlist because music doesn't look or feel the same after your child dies. Or you know someone your spouse or just somebody that you love Songs that meant something to you before now look kind of different. It's very difficult. Music really moves us emotionally. So those are all free resources there, right there on my website.

Speaker 2: 48:04

I also have a free grief support group. So once a month, the third Thursday of the month, for all of my grief mentor insiders. If you join my email list, you are welcome to attend that meeting. I send out notifications so you know when it's going to happen, and it is only for people that have experienced child loss. I'm very protective of my moms in our community so it is only for parents that have lost children. And you know, and it could be I just had a little gal God love her just joined and she she sent me an email and says could I be part of your community Because my baby was born stillborn? My heart just absolutely Cause you know, even if for miscarriages, you are definitely welcome in my group. You still had life inside of you, they lived. So definitely, you're definitely welcome in my grief group. And then I do offer one on one sessions for grieving moms and you can book that on my website and pick a time that works well for you.

Speaker 2: 49:02

And then right now currently I have a 12-week mentor grief mentor experience. It's a small group experience where I provide content for you that you view ahead of time, and then we all come together once a week and we go over that material. There's a workbook, there's actually 26 lessons, seven hours of video and about 80 pages of workbook that I help you work through and we work through that together in those group meetings, and that launched in August. It's coming to an end for the first 12 weeks. So that's closed right now, but it opens in January of 2025. But there's a wait list. So if this is something you think you might be interested in, go to my website. You can read all about it. It's all described there, what I offer, what's inside, and you can then join that waitlist. Because I only take 10 people, because it's very important to me to make sure everybody gets what they need, and I can manage 10 folks, but beyond that I don't feel comfortable, so I cap it off at that 10.

Speaker 2: 49:58

So that's already got about four people on that waitlist. So if that's something, if you're listening, you think you're interested in that, those people on the wait list they get the first seats right. It's offered to them first before it goes out to the general public. So if that's something you think you're interested in. But if you need help right now, book a one-on-one with me. I would love to meet you. I would love to help you process your grief.

Speaker 1: 50:26

Thank you so much, teresa. I'm so blessed that the Lord connected us because I love to have you know other people like I might be talking to somebody and you know I can point them to you and having you here, you know, we don't know who's going to hear this. I pray that those who needed to hear this will reach out to you. You know she's a safe place, right, if you've heard your part here, you can't see her, but like I just want to hug her. She's just precious and um, yeah, so thank you. At the end of every podcast, um, I shared with you, like I, I do this for the one. So I would love for you to imagine one woman sitting here listening to you speak. Is there anything else you'd want to say to her? Would you pray over her as well?

Speaker 2: 51:11

Yes, absolutely. And what I would like to say to her, if she's sitting across from me, is that our God is a God of compassion and he weeps with us in our pain. He is not a dictator, a God who is somewhere out there managing the universe without a heart. Okay, Our God is a God of compassion and he loves you more than you can begin to ask or even imagine, and he can do more with your yes. When you say yes to inviting him into your grief journey, he will bring supernatural into your life in a way that you would have never been able to imagine, because that's who he is. That's how much he loves and cares for you. So if I could tell you one thing, it would be to know how much he loves you, because he does. He loves you deeply and you're very important to Him and you matter. Your heart matters to Him, and how you feel matters to Him, and so I encourage you to tell Him about it, because he's listening, friend, you know, the Word of God says he bends down to listen. Did you know that? That, to me, depicts a God who is invested in our lives here on this earth. So let me pray, father. God, I come to you in prayer and I thank you so much for this opportunity. I thank you for Kristen, lord, for her being the vessel. Lord, for your voice, lord, because we know that your word does not return void.

Speaker 2: 52:37

And when you provide an opportunity like this, lord, and it goes out into many countries, lord, in places where people do not have the freedom to be able to express their belief in you, they're not given the freedom, lord, to be able to open up the word of God.

Speaker 2: 52:52

Father, I pray that we would know the treasure that your word is, lord, to our life. I pray that we would not take it for granted. Father, I lift up the person on the other side of this screen who is listening to this and their heart is hurting. Lord, I pray that you would just reveal yourself to them, lord, in a way that they know that you're real and that you care. And, lord, I praise you for allowing us to be able to have ways like this, to be able to get the word out about the God that you really are, not the God that we perceive that we have in a box somewhere, but the God that can do all things, lord, through the power that is at work within us. We praise you, lord, for this. In Jesus' name, I pray Amen.

Speaker 1: 53:33

Thank you, Teresa. Thank you for being a brave voice who's setting others free. I am going to close the podcast with the anchoring verse for Hope Unlocked it's. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that, by the power of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope, and that's Romans 15, 13. So again, thank you, Lord, for connecting us. I will have all of the information in the show notes for you to easily get in touch with Teresa. Check out her podcast notes for you to easily get in touch with Teresa. Check out her podcast Again, it's called the Grief Mentor Podcast. Check out her devotional. If you know somebody who's walking through what she's walked through, whether it's through child, you know anybody you've lost in your life, or you know somebody she has so many keys here. I am going to pick up the devotional for my mom as well. So thank you, Teresa, you have been a blessing.

Speaker 2: 54:28

And.

Speaker 1: 54:28

I'll be back with another episode next week. All right, bye, hope. Unlocked listeners. Thank you, kristen.

Speaker 2: 54:34

Thank you.