Unstuck and Unlocked: Abigail Brown’s Story of Resentment to Resilience

In this powerful episode of Hope Unlocked, host Kristin Kurtz welcomes Abigail Brown, author of Unstuck, who shares her inspiring story of resilience while living with dystonia. From a childhood medical crisis to becoming a voice of hope and healing, Abigail opens up about faith, grief, identity, and how she rewired her mindset through God’s truth, journaling, and coaching. Tune in to hear how she moved from resentment to purpose, and how God meets us in the unexpected. A must-listen for anyone feeling stuck, unseen, or in need of renewed hope.

Abigail's contact info:

Website - silent-inspirations.com

Facebook / Instagram

Don’t miss Abigail’s powerful book Unstuck—available now at major retailers. It’s a must-read!

Head to 75Whole.com to learn more and use discount code HOPEUNLOCKED to save 10% off!

Chapters

• 0:16 Welcome to Hope Unlocked
• 1:17 Abigail's Early Struggle with Dystonia
• 6:42 Family Support and Grief Processing
• 9:55 Finding Blessings Amid Disability
• 12:55 Transforming Thoughts from Resentment to Resilience
• 19:08 Community Support When We Fall
• 23:10 Being Truly Seen by God
• 26:14 Final Encouragement and Prayer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:16

Welcome to the Hope Unlocked podcast. I'm your host, kristen Kurtz, and I'm also the founder of New Wings Coaching. I help and empower wildhearted and adventurous women of faith feeling caged and stuck, unlock their true purpose and potential, break free from limitations and thrive with confidence, courage and hope. If you're curious to learn more about coaching with me, head to newwingscoachingnet and be sure to explore the show notes for ways to connect with me further. Get ready to dive in as we uncover empowering keys and insights in this episode. So tune in and let's unlock hope together. Welcome to the Hope Unlocked podcast. I'm Kristen Kurtz, your host. I pray this episode is like a holy IV of hope for your soul. Please help me. Welcome Abigail Brown to the show. I am so thrilled to have her here with us today. I would love for you to tell us more about yourself and how your story began, and could you share with us how your life journey started, especially with the challenges you faced early on?

Speaker 2: 1:17

Kristen, thank you for having me on your podcast to share my story with your audience. As Kristen said, my name is Abigail Brown and I have been living with a condition called dystonia for 29 years. This condition has changed not only my life, but also changed my family's lives and outlook on disability. It was at age three when I began suffering from the effects of an undiagnosed case of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. My parents rushed me to the nearest hospital. There I was in a drug-induced coma for a week. When I began to wake up, my muscles were tight, with my arms pulled up to my body. My legs were rigid. I could not move, could not talk, swallow, eat, turn over or even scratch. My parents told me I cried and screamed constantly. A feeding tube was put in place and screamed constantly. A feeding tube was put in place. Then I was transferred to a rehabilitation center.

Speaker 2: 2:28

While in rehab, my speech and language pathologist was talking to me about the alphabet blocks. She was lining up on the floor in front of my wheelchair. She asked me my name and age. My arms were still drawn up to my chest, but with my left foot and great effort and determination, I pointed to the letters, slowly spelling out my name, names and I spelled them all. My cognitive abilities were undamaged. My parents were ecstatic and hopeful about the future.

Speaker 2: 3:13

When I was five years old, my parents discovered that the brain trauma I experienced led to the development of dystonia, a condition which causes muscles to tighten and the body to contort in different ways. There is no cure for dystonia, though I have undergone numerous surgeries and procedures to alleviate some of the more painful and debilitating symptoms. I grew up learning to communicate with others with several different communication devices throughout the years. I'm very thankful for the progress of technology in my life. I am talking to you today with an app on my phone. As of today, I am an author and speaker. I encourage women who live with dystonia and other disabilities and plant seeds of hope and resilient hearts, believing that even in the quietest places, god is planting purpose and preparing a harvest of joy.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Yes, thank you so much for sharing about this. I know that you are an author and you mentioned that there was a pivotal moment where you were diagnosed with dystonia, and how did you process that news as a young child?

Speaker 2: 4:41

I really don't have many memories about being in the hospital or going to physical, occupational and speech therapy at ages 3 through 5, which can be quite us laugh and asking curious questions. We all know toddlers those ages, and my heart would break if the little girls and boys I know grew up not being able to run around with their friends or learn how to communicate in a different way than they once knew how to do with their mouths, knew how to do with their mouths. That being said, I'm glad that I don't remember the memories of getting sick and being in the hospital.

Speaker 2: 5:31

At that age I went from a very active and talkative little girl to being a little girl who watched others do things I couldn't anymore, but I also became very determined to relearn how to walk, feed myself and do other daily tasks. It of course took time, and while I don't remember my parents explaining to me what happened and why I couldn't talk with my mouth anymore, I know they did. I remember the first time it actually clicked that I lived with a disability. It was the first week of second grade. I was in a regular classroom with all my peers and each year at the beginning of the school year, my mom would come in my class and explain to the kids what happened and how I communicated and answered the kids questions. I think it made the difference as I started to make friends with other kids.

Speaker 1: 6:31

Wow, your mom sounds incredible and obviously it sounds like the role of your family was incredible in your healing process. How did they support you during those early years?

Speaker 2: 6:43

Yeah, I believe I'm still in the healing process as a 32-year-old woman living with a disability, because I'll probably grieve over certain aspects of living with dystonia. There was a period of time when I turned 16 and into my late 20s I was very depressed Around the day that I formally used to look at the day I was misdiagnosed, that I formerly used to look at the day I was misdiagnosed. It was like clockwork and I really didn't know why I was getting depressed and sad or how to communicate it very well. As I got emotional, it was frustrating and exhausting for both sides of the conversation as I would type out what I was feeling as I cried, but it was also hard for my parents to listen and wait. I didn't know that every year I was grieving over my life with dystonia. In fact, before I met my editor, my working title for my book was misdiagnosed Living a Life I Never Expected. Misdiagnosed living a life I never expected. That title right there, basically sums up the season of life I just told you about. That was my perspective on how I really thought and felt about dystonia.

Speaker 2: 8:02

While it's true I was misdiagnosed, thinking about it every single year wasn't helpful. I wasn't aware how miserable it made me. I was so fixated on being misdiagnosed that I took for granted that I was still living. My parents let me express my frustrations with dystonia, but they also taught me to control my emotions and outbursts of crying. Looking back, I know that my parents and older sister had to also be grieving this circumstance in different aspects, because it did cause a lot of change. It's only been about four or five years now since I've been learning to really understand that my thoughts affect my feelings and I'm still learning to better communicate my thoughts and feelings with others. Communication is important and it does take effort for people who talk verbally and people who talk using a different mode of communication, like a communication device. It just may take us a minute to type out what we want to say, but we do have thoughts, ideas and feelings, just like everyone else.

Speaker 1: 9:22

Yes, wow, abigail, thank you for sharing this part of your life and your family and the ways that they supported you. You do have a book which is amazing, and I can't wait for you to tell us more about that and I'll be sharing it in the show notes. But in the book you discuss the importance of noticing blessings. Could you elaborate on some of the blessings you've discovered through your struggles with dystonia?

Speaker 2: 9:55

goals with dystonia. First, let me just say I'm not saying that you have to look at your disability or the hard circumstance you are going through as a blessing. I grew up thinking this lie and thought that I had to look at what god allowed in my life as something I enjoyed experiencing. My view of God was skewed because when we look at Jesus in the Gospels, we see that he is close to the brokenhearted and cares very much for people living with disability. He actually sought out some people who lived with disabilities in that time, like the lame man and blind man. We live in a fallen world where tragic circumstances and events happen all the time to non-believers and believers in Jesus Christ alike. So how can we, as believers in Jesus Christ, notice the blessings when unjust and unfair circumstances happen?

Speaker 2: 10:54

In my book Unstuck, moving from Resentment to Resilience While Living with Dystonia, I share practical ways to do this. For example, I made a list of things I can do and control in my life and a list of things I'm not able to do or out of my control, and since writing this book, I continue to find things that I can accomplish on my own, all while living with a disability, and the I can list keeps growing. Like answering these questions took many days to think about and type out. If I chose to focus on what I'm unable to do in my life, these questions wouldn't have gotten answered. We can still live an abundant life, even when circumstances don't align with what we thought our lives would look like. Trust me, it is possible. I lived with my parents for 12 years after I graduated high school and I didn't ever think I'd be living the life I am today living life as independent as possible and freedom from the self-loathing thoughts and lies I once believed.

Speaker 1: 12:10

Wow, I'm just soaking this in and I don't know if you can hear in the background.

Speaker 1: 12:15

There's a tornado siren going off with my dog, so hopefully you guys can still hear this. Thank you, abigail, for going deeper, and I hope that you guys are catching a lot of what she's saying here, because, gosh, we need to really pull back sometimes and just see the blessings, even if we're walking through really hard circumstances. I know everybody does. Um, it just looks different for everybody, right? So you also talk about the power of transforming your thinking. How did you shift your mindset from resentment to resilience and I love that word, resilience.

Speaker 2: 12:55

I wrote this book because I found myself stuck in resentment In many areas of my life. I struggled seeing that at first, when I was writing the book, I think I cried the most writing chapters one, three and six. Just when I thought I couldn't cry anymore, I would start to cry again. These chapters were hard to write because I knew I struggled with blaming others, speaking truth to myself and well, I struggle with comparison and complaining, so I had to write. From my experience living with dystonia, I know I'm not the only one who struggles with these things. Everyone, whether they want to admit it or not, struggles with resentment in some area of their life. I will say it's not a very enjoyable topic to look into when you are struggling with it, but if you get alone with the Lord, he will show you what you need to correct in your life. The purpose of Unstuck is to reach people who feel stuck either emotionally, physically or spiritually and invite them to move towards resilience in the Lord.

Speaker 2: 14:05

My Christian life coach taught me the thought model, which is a very interesting tool to use when you are journaling. I don't know if you are familiar with the thought model, which is a very interesting tool to use when you are journaling. I don't know if you are familiar with the thought model or not, but it starts with a specific circumstance in your life. For example, I remember one time my circumstance was staying at home on Friday nights and my thought about that circumstance at the time was I'm stuck, and my feeling about that thought was disappointed and my actions were annoyed with my parents, stayed in my room and didn't spend time with my parents. So guess what my result was? It's so funny and profound at the same time. My result was I'm stuck at home. Yes, what I just walked you through was an unintentional thought model, but there's also an intentional thought model and this time you have to pick a different thought, a thought that seems doable about the circumstance, and you go through the same process. You choose how you feel when you think a certain thought, then feelings produce actions and then you get your result.

Speaker 2: 15:13

As I mentioned in the book, it took me a while to really figure out what I was feeling. My life coach was so patient with me. I was frustrated most sessions. The thought model didn't make sense to me at first. It might have been because I was so bogged down with thoughts about what others could do faster, easier and better than I could. I had to retrain my brain and learn to think good and lovely thoughts again, which took time, but it was time well spent. I also do brain dumps. Those help me so much too. There's something about physically writing down my thoughts that just helps me feel better. A lot of times my thoughts make me feel heavy, but when I type them out or write them out I feel refreshed.

Speaker 1: 15:58

Yeah, listeners, I really want you to grab some of these tools that Abigail is sharing with us. I'm aware of the thought model it's. It took me a little while to figure out as well, and it's still very challenging at times oh my gosh, really being intentional with our thoughts and taking our thoughts captive. So so there are tools out there. You can even Google the thought model. It's prevalent out there in the world. And then also the brain dump.

Speaker 1: 16:24

I'm sure some of you have heard about the brain dumps before and just seeing it on paper, you know, getting it out and like visually seeing what our thoughts are, we can really question it. And I'm so thankful you have a Christian life coach, because I'm also a Christian life coach and it's such a blessing to come alongside people to help them Like your book title, you know get unstuck and to live that abundant life right. So I hope I'm glad that the tornado sirens have ended. I don't know why they're on, but we're safe here. So one of the themes in your book is about learning to speak truth to yourself. What were some of the most challenging truths you had to face in your own journey?

Speaker 2: 17:08

As I mentioned, writing about speaking truth to myself was one of the hardest chapters to write. I struggled with negative self-talk for 14 years and would beat myself up mentally Like I tell myself you are slow at typing or you are horrible at spelling, and I had become very comfortable in the rut that I had made in my mind and I blamed whatever I was struggling with at the time on dystonia. I had become good at putting on a smile and acting like everything was fine when I knew deep down things were not fine. What I have learned through this process is there are several things I can't control in my life living with a disability, but there is one thing I can control and that's how I think about not only myself, but also circumstances, people in my life and God.

Speaker 2: 18:07

You may have struggled with thoughts like I did and felt ashamed and hopeless. You may think you can never transform your thinking from negative self-talk. For now, your first step may be to share these unhelpful thoughts with one person you trust. You become courageous with yourself when you bring what you've been thinking into the light. And when you become courageous with yourself, you will start being kind to yourself.

Speaker 1: 18:33

That is a word worth repeating. I just wanted to say what she just spoke again you become courageous with yourself when you bring what you've been thinking into the light. And when you become courageous with yourself, you will start being kind to yourself. That is a huge key right there, abigail. Thank you so much for sharing that. Living with a disability like dystonia presents many physical and emotional challenges. How did you find strength during difficult days and how has your faith played a role in that?

Speaker 2: 19:08

Obviously, the experiences surrounding dystonia have been life changing, but the most important event happened when I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of seven. At a kid's event at church. I prayed in my heart as my mom prayed out loud. That day, I entered into a relationship with Jesus. It's the best decision I've made in my life. The Lord has been so faithful. I have asked the Lord many questions growing up about why he allowed dystonia in my life and, even though I may not understand why he allowed this condition in my life, I am thankful that I can trust Jesus and that our relationship continues to grow each day. Worship, music and listening to Bible teaching and inspiring podcasts and speakers kept my focus on Jesus and has helped me keep going.

Speaker 1: 20:10

Yes, incredible, those are huge keys for everyone. Definitely, those are huge keys for everyone. Definitely, I prescribed worships to somebody today.

Speaker 2: 20:21

It's a weapon right.

Speaker 1: 20:22

It's been like an IV for me, even this last month where I've been dealing with a lot of circumstances that have come my way and I'm literally hooked up to an IV of the Bible and worship music to keep going, and that is such a word Like that is my favorite phrase is keep going to others and that word just to speak over yourself like we have to keep going. There's no new turns right. So phrases for being saved at seven. That is so incredible. So you shared a powerful story about the support you received when you had a difficult fall in public. How did that experience impact your understanding of community and support?

Speaker 2: 21:27

In chapter two of my book, I share this story about how I had fallen really hard in the crowded lobby at church and when I fell, people around me quickly helped me up. While it's not pleasant to fall in public, I am thankful I had people who cared to stop and help. We all need people to stop and help us when we physically fall, but we also need people to help us when we spiritually fall. When we spiritually fall, it's not as noticeable as when we physically fall. We can hide our spiritual falls. On the days when we descend into frustration or disappointment, people will not know to run over and apply bandages to our hidden heart wounds, to run over and apply bandages to our hidden heart wounds. It's important to be around a church family who can encourage and support you and who you can also encourage and support.

Speaker 1: 22:30

Yes, yeah, we are not called to do this life alone, right? I'm so thankful that you have amazing people in your corner, like I'm always talking about that, like you need people in your corner because you're going to go out there in the fight like in a boxing ring and we're going to get beat up sometimes and we need somebody who's going to help point us back to the Lord, right? So throughout the book you reflect on the concept of being seen by God and by others. Can you talk more about the moments when you felt truly seen and how that affected your sense of purpose?

Speaker 2: 23:10

There are several stories in my book, unstuck, that I share about feeling seen and known. I encourage your listeners to purchase Unstuck online at Barnes and Noble or Books A Million. You can also find the links to my book on my Facebook and Instagram pages at Abigail Brown Writes. One of my favorite stories in the book is a story that happened while I was writing this book. I remember this story like it was yesterday.

Speaker 2: 23:49

It was after the service Sunday morning. I was standing off in the lobby of the church telling people goodbye as they leave. As I'm waving and hugging people by, this sweet, soft-eyed truck driver in a light tan suit walks up and asks in the gentlest and kindest voice Can I pray for you? Before I even give him a thumbs up, he placed his hand gently on my left shoulder and started praying loud enough so I could just hear. As he was praying, I felt my face get flushed and tears started rolling down my cheeks. He prayed God. I thank you for giving Miss Abby the strength to get up and come to church today. While we as a church family may never know what she goes through to be here, you do give her strength for this week and bless her in all she does. It's times like these when I can't help but feel seen, known and loved by God. It's in the simple moments of everyday life when I remember what the Lord has brought me through, and it helps me depend on Him even more.

Speaker 1: 25:02

Oh, my gosh, my heart is like bursting. I'm just visualizing this sweet man coming over to pray over you and it's you know those moments where maybe we don't feel seen and somebody comes up and it's like Jesus with you know he's in an earth suit again. Right, we have to really be. I don't know about you, but I have to be very intentional to see him in all the details every single day.

Speaker 1: 25:31

He in all the details, like every single one, and we are all seen. He created us right, but we have, as, as you know, humans we have a tendency to to feel unseen at times, and it it's, I mean, we all go through that, but this moment that you were able to, just you know it, I'm sure it was just a catalyst for you know your life, which is incredible. So, um, my last, um you know, question here is could you share one piece of advice with others who are facing their own challenges? Um, and what would that be and how can they apply in their journey to becoming unstuck?

Speaker 2: 26:15

that be, and how can they apply in their journey to becoming unstuck, to those facing uncertainty and anxiety in your life? Remember that sometimes the inward screams that can't be heard by anyone are welcomed by the only one who can take it and doesn't abandon you. So, while it may seem like he's not listening or paying attention, he is very aware of what's happening in your life. The Bible is filled with good promises, like Deuteronomy 31, 6, which says Be strong and of good courage. Do not fear, nor be afraid of them, for the lord, your god, he is the one who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. That promise, along with all the rest, will continue to be true until the Lord returns, and until he does, he sends his presence to comfort us when life doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1: 27:19

Yes, that verse. You know there's how many verses in the Bible about not fearing, and he knew that we would have moments of fear and he knows that we need you know, I like to say that IV of hope. We also need that IV of courage every day.

Speaker 1: 27:35

I love what you said when you said that you know we have the inward screams that can't be heard by anyone, but they're welcomed by the one who can take it and he won't abandon us. I mean, I just really want somebody to grab that today. I know somebody is really grabbing hold of that, so, gosh, I wish we could keep going. I'll have to have you back on another time, but as we wrap up, I'd love for you to think of the one who's listening in right now, facing their own challenges and what would you like to speak over them today?

Speaker 2: 28:13

and then would you pray us out to the woman who feels stuck in an unexpected or unfair situation. I want to speak this over you today you are not forgotten. You are not forgotten. You are not disqualified. You are not alone. You are known and loved by God. You are precious in his sight. Even in this detour, god's hand, his deepest work in you. You may not have chosen this path, but he is still walking it with you, redeeming, restoring and preparing something beautiful from the ashes. You don't have to have all the answers, you just need to hold on to the one who does. Let's pray Jesus. Today.

Speaker 2: 29:13

I lift up every woman who finds herself living a life she didn't expect, whether because of loss, illness, disappointment or delay. Lord, she may feel stuck, weary or unsure of the next step, but you see her. You know her heart, her pain and her desire for more. I ask that you meet her right where she is. Surround her with your peace, the kind that quiets anxious thoughts and reminds her that she's not alone. Infuse her with divine strength and unshakable hope. Let her know that, even in this season, her life still holds purpose and promise. Restore what's been broken, renew what's grown weary, rekindle what feels lost and remind her that her identity is not rooted in her circumstance, but in you, in Jesus' name amen.

Speaker 1: 30:14

Wow. Well, abigail, I was definitely one of the ones today. So thank you for that word for the prayer. I'm actually, whenever I do podcast episodes and sometimes when I'm doing group coaching or Zooms, just in general, I love like shirts with words and sweatshirts with words, and today it's the words from the song Gratitude by Brandon Lake, and the part where it says you've got a line inside of those lungs, so get up and praise the Lord. And I just want to, like, I just felt that over you, that there's, you've got such a roar girl over you, that there's, you've got such a roar girl. You're like, your words are like prolific, and I just want to, you know, just say keep going to you as well. So, thank you for being a brave voice. Who's setting so many free?

Speaker 1: 31:06

I will add Abigail's contact info to the show notes. You can definitely pick up her book, go to her social media. I cannot wait for you guys to read her book. It is amazing. So I'm going to close with the anchoring verse for Hope, unlocked it is. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that, by the power of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope, and that's Romans 15, 13. So thank you for tuning in listeners. I will be back with another episode next week and thank you again, abigail, for coming on the show. Blessings, thank you.