When God Feels Silent: Grief, Journaling & Holding Onto Faith with Allison Byxbe

What happens when faith feels dark, prayers feel unanswered, and life completely shifts? In this heartfelt conversation, Allison Byxbe shares her powerful testimony of walking through family brokenness, grief, parenting challenges, and her son’s rare genetic disorder diagnosis while learning to cling to God through anger, exhaustion, and uncertainty. We talk about honest faith, community support, healing through journaling, spiritual growth, Saturday Pages, and finding God’s presence in difficult seasons. Allison also shares insights from her book, Journaling as a Spiritual Practice: Tracing the Lines of Grace to God’s Presence, offering encouragement for anyone longing for hope, healing, emotional honesty, encouragement, and deeper intimacy with God through life’s hardest moments. 

Allison's contact info:

Website - allisonbyxbe.myflodesk.com

Allison's book:

Journaling as a Spiritual Practice: Tracing the Lines of Grace to God's Presence

🎙️Hope Unlocked Listener Exclusive! Feeling stirred but not sure what to do next? Book a 45-minute Holy Spirit-led 1:1 coaching session w/ Hope Unlocked host Kristin Kurtz, founder of New Wings Coaching. This powerful conversation will help you move from stirred to activated—with peace, clarity, & a Spirit-led next step. Book your call HERE now–special pricing to listeners!

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Allison

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Welcome to the Hope Unlocked podcast. I'm Kristen Kurtz, your host. I pray this episode is like a holy IV of hope for your soul. Please help me welcome Allison Bixby to the show. I'm so excited to have her here today. We had a chance to chat just a little bit before we got started. And I would say we're new friends. What would you say?

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Yeah, absolutely, Kristen. I feel like we're a bit of kindred spirits just as we chatted and shared some of ourselves. And I'm so excited to be here. So thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

You're very welcome. Well, before we get into you know some of your story and where the Lord has you now, would you just be open to sharing a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Yeah, absolutely. So I am married to my husband Ben. We are coming up on our 17th wedding anniversary. We live in What's that? Congratulations. Oh, thank you. We live in South Carolina and we have three kids: a high schooler, a middle schooler, and an and one who's in elementary school. We've got three dogs, and my favorite thing in the world is an early morning walk on the beach when I can get there with a cup of coffee in hand.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

So that sounds amazing. Oh, I love that. That must be, I'm curious about the elementary, middle school, and high school. How does that pan out for you? Like, is that challenging?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah, it can be in one sense, right? Because we've got to have three kids in three different places with three different pickup times and schedules. So that can get a little crazy at times, but also as they're getting older and more independent, it's just really fun to watch them come into kind of their own, their own being their own person and gaining some of their own independence. And so we're having fun. It's a little bit of chaos, but it's a whole lot of fun too. So fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

And the morning walks on the beach with your coffee. How far away are you from the beach?

SPEAKER_01 2:04

So about two hours. So, you know, it doesn't happen weekly by any stretch, but as often as I can, it can make a fun day trip for sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Yes, yes. And have you lived there like your whole life?

SPEAKER_01 2:17

So I consider Columbia where we live, kind of my home base. And I grew up in this area, but my husband and I did spend about five years in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, uh starting in about 2011. So we we lived up there for a bit, but got cold and missed our family. And so we decided to trek it on back down south.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

Love that. Well, I'll have to come visit someday. I live in the north and it's cold. Well, right now we're coming into spring. So thankfully we're we're doing that. But it is challenging to live in in the cold climate. Well, to focus on you, I would love for you to just share how did your journey get started and you know, whether it, you know, is with the Lord and how you came to to know him, or just kind of that that early start of your journey of your life, like who was Allison back in the

Faith Roots And A Turning Point

SPEAKER_03 3:05

day?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Yeah. So, you know, I really I grew up a pastor's kid. So I was in church every Sunday and always had an awareness of God, a belief in God. But it was when I was a senior in high school, when my my family life imploded a bit, just my parents divorced and we moved to a new town, and things were kind of topsy-turvy. And and God really used that to kind of get my attention, I guess, and kind of flag me down and say, Hey, Allison, I'm over here and I've got good things for you. And if you're tired and if you're angry, and I was both of those things at the time, I'll give you rest. And I took God up on that invitation to follow him with intentionality when I was at when I was a senior in high school. And when I went to college, he was gracious enough just to connect me to other believers and really help me grow some deep spiritual roots and build a foundation of faith that has that I've continued or he's really continued to build on through the years. And, you know, my I think the thing I have found to be the most true is that whether it's been a hard season or a good season, or maybe just a mundane season, God has always, always been there. His presence has always been right there with me through life seasons. And that's been such a joy to be able to see as I think back over all of the places and all of the things, all the places that God's taken, taken me and my family and the things that we've been able to do is to know that he has been there right there with us.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Yes. Well, I would love for you to share, you know, maybe somebody's just kind of thinking of like, you know, you you'd mentioned his presence has been with you, you know, all along. Can you maybe even like recount a time in those, you know, early formative years? I think it's beautiful that you were a senior in high school and college that you were leaning into him like that. But maybe maybe a testimony or a situation that you can still remember that you're like, wow, I I like you just know that he was there with you in that time.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Yeah. So I think for me, when I so this is fast-forwarding just a little bit in our story, but my husband and I we'd been married for maybe going on two years. We had just moved to Pennsylvania. He uh my husband took a job up there, and our oldest son was just about to turn a year old. And so there were lots of changes for us. We were new parents, basically still newlyweds. We're living in a new town. It was the first time that I had lived far from my family and my friends. And so there was a lot of excitement and there was also some nervousness about all of the new things. And it was in that season that we actually got our oldest son's diagnosis. He has a rare genetic disorder that causes a lot of different complications for him. And it was a season where it that brought a lot of questions. It was a really difficult, it was really difficult news to to receive. I didn't understand what God was doing, why God was allowing that. And yet, even as I look back on that season, I I'm still confident and know that he was with us and sustaining us. Even though there were, it was certainly there were times where it was dark and I couldn't feel or sense his presence in the moment, in the in the current moment. But it's been so good to recognize, even looking back, how present he was with us.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

Yeah. Well, how did you like how did you continue to like press in and press on? And I've it's interesting because I've had some people that I've talked to recently and they just feel like alone in the dark, like they they can't see him, they they can't sense that he's near, they're kind of questioning. So I'm wondering if somebody's listening in today that how did you continue to to press on and press in, kind of almost feeling like you're lost in the dark in a way?

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So I think one thing is we were connected to community and to people who were praying with us and for us. And when it's hard to pray yourself, which that was definitely true for me after our son's diagnosis, having other people pray with us and for us was one thing that helped keep me tethered and connected to God. It was that kind of sense of almost being carried by other people's, the strength of other people's prayers. And I think too the the gift, if I can call it that, of that dark season was I didn't have the emotional energy to be anything but just brutally gut level honest with God about my anger, about my frustration and confusion, about how it was really difficult to trust him. And what I found is that as I was honest with God in my prayers, in my journaling, in my conversations, even with other believers, is that God's kindness met me there. Um and I he wasn't turning me away because of where I was. He was actually meeting me right there in the midst of it. And I think that is one of the things that kept me pressing in and leaning in, is knowing that God wasn't scared off by my own emotional upheaval. So community and then just honesty with God were the two things that really carried me through that season.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

That's so beautiful. And I think, you know, a lot of times, I don't know about you, but you know, I'm a very open book, and sometimes it's like, well, God doesn't want to hear about all my stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, we might go to people first, and he's like, wait, honey, I'm I'm over here too. Like, I want to hear all of it. I already know.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Yeah, absolutely. Um, and sometimes, right, like going to other people, it has a little bit more of that immediate satisfaction of getting that immediate response. And sometimes the Lord says, Actually, I need you to wait and just be in some stillness and some quiet.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

And it's like, but I don't want the stillness and the quiet, because that doesn't feel productive.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

It doesn't feel like it's changing my circumstances or changing anything that I'm struggling with, but it's where God so often wants to meet us too.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

Yes. And and I want to make sure that I like go back a moment and be like, we we need community. So

A Diagnosis That Shook Everything

SPEAKER_03 10:25

please don't like hesitate to share with people, but don't forget to include God into that equation as well, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 10:33

So I didn't want to discount the community aspect because we need people, and I think that's where just I don't I don't know about you, but like even in our world right now, there's such a disconnection. Like we're connected, but we're not connected. Yes. What'd you say?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Absolutely. And I think too, when we're carrying around any kind of pain, it can be very tempting to isolate because we feel like people are tired of hearing about what we're struggling with, or they're not going to understand, or maybe they're going to judge us. And so it can just be very tempting to just isolate and to not connect with people. But it's the lies get louder the more isolated we are. And it's often, I feel like, through other people in conversation and connection with them that sometimes the Lord has things through other people to tell us. And it's so I think that's one of the reasons it's so important to be connected to to others.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Yes, I it's so true. Like, I I don't know about you, but like throughout my my walk with Christ started in 20, you know, 20 when I was 25. And it's just been beautiful, especially like as a newer believer, people who'd walked the walk for a longer period of time, older women who could speak into, you know, some of the things I was walking through. And did you have like in that time or just even now, did you have like older mentors? Do you still have just amazing people in your corner?

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Yeah, absolutely. So when I was in my early 20s, God was so gracious to bring a lady to my life into my life, an older lady into my life. Her name was Anna Mary, and she began to disciple me. And we've been able to stay connected through the years, even as I moved to Pennsylvania and came back. And, you know, when you're raising a young family, you don't have a lot of time or energy always to do other things. But she was always there. She was always reminding me that she was praying for me. And so that I feel like that has been such a blessing. There have always been older ladies in our church communities as well that have been eager and willing to pour into me and to the other younger women in our church. And even my own mom and my grandmother and stuff, like they have also been sources of encouragement and a reminder of God's faithfulness and goodness and how we just have to use the grace that we're given and take, you know, put that next, put our put the next foot in front of the other and keep walking by faith. And so I really have feel like I have an embarrassment of riches in terms of mentors and women in my life who have poured into us. And even for us, we've been really throughout our marriage, Ben and I have been really connected to different small groups that we've been a part of. And the friendships through those groups, those small groups. While the a lot of the women in those groups were similar in age to me, they really also came alongside us and me and our parenting journey and in just some beautiful ways that I that I really treasure.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

That's amazing. What would you say to maybe somebody listening in today who doesn't have, you know, people praying over them or you know, being part of groups, or you know, maybe they're they're just not at that place yet. How would you encourage them to kind of lean into that space?

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Yeah, that can be so intimidating, can't it, when we're in that spot? Maybe we're the new person or we've just never taken that step uh toward that kind of community. And so sometimes it's easier maybe to start with just, you know, asking one person, hey, can we meet for coffee? Or could we Marco Polo each other through the week and just with some encouragement? You know, it I don't think it always takes lots and lots of people. Sometimes it just takes one or two or a few connections that can be really, really meaningful. And I think that first step toward it is often the hardest. But what I have found is that other people want those same connections and community. And so I would just encourage anybody who doesn't have that to start with just one ask one time and see where it goes.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

That's so good. One ask, one time, and one like one person, right? Yeah, absolutely. That's so good. So have you ever been one who's like facilitated community groups? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

So I think, well, my husband was in ministry for a number of years, and so we were often leading groups by nature of his his ministry work, but even now he is he's not in full-time ministry anymore. And even though even now we still do, we we love to just

Prayer Support When You Cannot Pray

SPEAKER_01 15:35

we recently started a backyard worship night because the weather's so nice right now and not too buggy yet, not too humid yet. And so we just have this posture of because we know that people are looking for community, of let's just open up and say, hey, come over, we'll put some hot dogs on the grill, we'll pull out the guitar, maybe sing some worship songs. And then because I love journaling, that's just kind of one of my passions. I also do have a couple of journaling communities, groups of women that I that I meet with, actually primarily online, things like Zoom, where we uh we journal the same prompts together and have some conversation around them because I believe so very much in what God can do through community and other people when we just when we show up.

SPEAKER_03 16:24

Yes. Well, tell us about this group. Like, how how can people find it and what's it called? How did how did maybe let's go back a little bit? How did how did this start? Yeah, when did it start? Like, was it a God prompting? Like you're like, wait, what? I never would have thought to do that. Tell us about the whole journey.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Yeah. Well, so I guess to go way back, I have journaled since I was a little kid. I've always loved reading and writing. I'm kind of a bit of an English nerd, I guess. And so when we got our my son's diagnosis, our son's diagnosis, I did what I always do, and I turned to writing to my journal because that's how I knew to process things that I was experiencing. But what I noticed in that season, especially, it was, it was, yes, I was journaling prayers, yes, I was journaling questions, but through it, I was noticing that God was actually beginning to bring healing to my heart as I was journaling. And that was new for me. Prior to that, journaling had been just, it had been not, and this isn't bad, but it had just been, I'm gonna write my prayers down and trust that God's answering them, or I'm gonna write down how my day went, or I've got this really heavy thing on my heart. So I'm gonna write it down. And I would, and it was cathartic and helpful. But in that season, that overwhelming season after our son's diagnosis, as I wrote and connected with God through my journaling, he was really using it to start to heal me. And so I got really curious. I'm like, okay, God, I I love that you're using this journaling connection to bring some healing to my heart and to my soul. Why is this working? Like, why is this so healing? Because I've always I had, you know, kind of previously previously, and I think a lot of us do think about writing in more of an academic way, like it's something I had to do for school. And so I started researching like, what, why is this working? And and as I started researching why it was working, I was like, I can, I could probably help other people figure out how to take pen to page, and that'd be kind of fun. And as I continued to just kind of push on those doors and explore that curiosity with the Lord, he began to open up some doors and to show me other people who also might enjoy learning about journaling, who might enjoy journaling in community. And so in trying to think 2022, I said, you know what? Most Saturday mornings, I'm gonna be, I'll, I'm gonna be journaling anyway. So what if I hopped on Zoom and just put an open invitation and said, anybody else who wants to come, I'll have I'll bring a prompt and you bring your journals and we'll journal together. And so it's called Saturday Pages. That's how Saturday Pages was born. And we still meet two Saturdays a month on Zoom for just 30 minutes. I keep it real low-key because I know most of us are really busy, but even just that 30 minutes of pausing and taking pen to page is so encouraging and inspiring to hear what other what God's doing through other people as they put pen to page. And it's it's a it's open to anybody who wants to come. It's um it's a free invitation. And I send out the the Zoom link through my through my email that I send out a couple of times a month. So if anybody was interested, anybody who's listening in is interested, it's real easy if you just sign up for my newsletter. You'll get the link when it's time and you can join us too.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

Awesome. Well, I'll be sure to put that in the show notes, but could you share? Like, is there a website that somebody could sign up for that? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Yeah. Allisonbixby.com is the is my website. And there's a little pop-up box that'll greet you pretty quickly as soon as you land on my page and ask you if you want to sign up to get the link. And then you can just put your name and email address, and that'll get you what you need.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Awesome. Well, I I have to ask a couple questions about this. Um I'm just very curious myself. So you've been doing this for about four years, and so the questions that you bring to the table for the prompts, how like are you do you feel like it's kind of like a download from the Lord where it's like you wake up on Saturday and you just get this prompt? Or how are you bringing the questions to the table? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

That's a great, that's a great question. One of the things I've gotten in the habit of doing is reflecting at the end of most weeks on what I'm learning. So, what's God teaching me? What am I seeing in the world? What am I experiencing? Um, how am I experiencing God through these things? So kind of encapsulating that is just what am I learning this week? And oftentimes the prompt that I'll bring on Saturday mornings comes out of that reflection for myself of what I've been learning and how I've been seeing God at work. And I love a good quote from a book or a song, sometimes something I've seen, you know, even on Instagram that's just really resonated. And so it's oftentimes kind of pulling together where God has me, what I'm learning, a really interesting or inspiring quote that kind of matches some of what I've been learning. And I bring it together. And the way that I I've actually done some training with the Therapeutic Writing Institute, who, which is a whole organization. That helps train people on how to help others journal. And so I use that training as well to kind of inform how I put prompts together so that they'll be meaningful and accessible and helpful for people who show up.

SPEAKER_03 22:15

This is incredible. Would you be willing to share if you if you would either remember or have it access accessible easily, your last prompt from your last group meeting? Oh hand.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Yes. Hold on a second. I just I gotta go back in the archive. Yeah, just a minute. So we gosh, hold on. I really wanna. It'll take

Finding Mentors And Making One Ask

SPEAKER_01 22:40

me just a second. No rush.

SPEAKER_03 22:43

This is real life. That's right. Putting you on the spot.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

But I can do it. I can do it. I'm almost there. Okay. There we go. So last week I was thinking a lot about simpli about simplicity because I have a tendency, the Lord has been showing me, I have a tendency to overcomplicate things when there is actually simplicity to be found. And so I pulled a quote. This is from Henry David Thoreau that says, Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify. And then the two questions that I asked as the prompt were what's simple in my mind, heart, and life right now? And what might I be overcomplicating?

unknown 23:31

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 23:32

And I'm just curious, like, so you guys go around and share after, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:37

We do. So I'll introduce the prompt and then we all write for about 15 minutes just silently in our own journals. And at the end, I open it up for some conversation. And I don't ever demand or require people to share, but I just invite, you know, if if you want to share how that goes for you, maybe an insight you gained as you wrote. Did you like or not like this prompt? You know, we just try to have a really honest, open conversation. And it's always beautiful. Some people will share their their thoughts in the chat. Some people will unmute themselves and just share out loud. And it's just always really beautiful to hear how God's meeting people through those questions and the things that they write down.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

Yeah. Well, I'm I'm curious because I I like to think of one. Would you be open to maybe sharing maybe somebody who came into this group and just has been completely wowed and has had a lot of breakthrough through their yes and and ultimately through your yes to start this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

So I it's I love it. There, there are there's uh one woman in particular, I think about who she told me she said, listen, my people know that 9 a.m. Eastern, that's the time zone I'm in. She's like, they know that 9 a.m. on Saturdays is my time to journal, and they better not need me or plan anything else because I'm showing up because it's such a meaningful moment in my week. And and that I I just love it. And so, you know, I would say about there's I think there's usually maybe 10 to 12 of us on a Saturday morning, give or take, depending. And about half the people are regulars, people who just kind of prioritize being there because of the what they see God doing in them through the reflections that they're putting down on paper. And then we all we usually always have a couple of new faces too, people checking it out, seeing what's going on, and and that sort of thing. And I think one of my absolute favorite things are the people who, for whatever reason, maybe a friend was like, hey, come to Saturday Pages, or they, or they're just like, All right, I'm just gonna check this out, but they're real skeptical. They're like, I don't journal, I don't know about this, but I'm here. My favorite is those are often the people who afterwards will tell me, Oh my goodness, I can journal. And that actually did mean something to me. And I I was really moved by something that God showed me as I wrote things down. And um, it's often those people who just I I I mean, I get joy from anybody who who journals, but especially people who are a little bit skeptical. And again, I think a lot, some of us bring some baggage to the idea of journaling because we think about maybe our middle school English class that we weren't very good at writing those papers for, or we just don't think of ourselves as somebody who writes. And and so those people who kind of come with that skepticism when they realize, oh, this isn't about performance or production or perfection. This is just showing up with my thoughts, me and the Lord. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_03 26:49

Is and is it typically like a whole wide range of ages too?

SPEAKER_01 26:54

It really is. I mean, everything from late 20s to I know I've got a couple of ladies in their 70s who who also so it there is no there is no age, there is no season of life barrier like requirement. It is, it is just anybody who is willing and open to putting pen to page.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

That's so beautiful. It reminds me of this this two-word release that I I spoke over a client who she definitely has books in her, and I know that this is maybe this will speak to somebody because it's about writing. But you know, I think there can be a perfectionism thing too. Like you said, there's the well, I can't write, I don't know how to write, or maybe somebody told you you don't know how to write, or like trying to go back and edit and just why even bother if I'm if I can't edit it. And I just said to her, like, just write. Like it's too double meaning, right? Just write. Just it's just right and it's just right.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Yeah. Isn't that good?

SPEAKER_03 27:58

It's so good. I mean, like, and it's kind of it, it was kind of a boomerang for me too, because um, you know, like there's all these and we need community for that too. It's like, hey, you can do this. You actually can do this. So thank you for like setting these ladies free to just write.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Absolutely. And that's you know, I really feel like that's uh the simplicity of what I do is just uh opening up this space for people to show up and say yes. And so many of us need those kinds of spaces where we can just show up and say

Saturday Pages And Journaling Together

SPEAKER_01 28:35

yes and get still and quiet. And we live in such a loud, chaotic world. And we just I think I think we need it. I think we need the stillness and the quiet more than more than we might even realize.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

So absolutely well, speaking of simple, like the quiet, the stillness. You you were saying that if I could just kind of go off the trail for a minute, the simplicity that he was showing you to lean into last week. I have to know, like what what did you learn about that? And how what are you taking into this next season with that word of simplicity?

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Oh, that's such a good that is such a good question.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

So I think where I get caught up a lot is in overcomplicating, and this is might sound so silly, but overcomplicating decisions, even things like what am I gonna have, what are we gonna have for dinner this week? And I feel it is this like big burden and this big weight, and gotta make all these decisions and do all this grocery shopping. And then God shows me this free meal plan website that I can use that just, hey, here, here you go, here's the meal plan for the week, and this is stuff your family is gonna like, and going, okay, that's that's so simple. I can I can do that. And so I whether we're talking about meal planning, which again, I know that sounds like such a small example, or we're talking about making it right, and these people they want to eat every single day. So, but or if we're talking about, like for me right now, the seat the decision to shift away from work I've done for a very long time as a college writing professor and and shift more into creating more of these spaces where people can can put pen to page. It can God's like just reminding me, Allison, you want to you want to overcomplicate this and you want all the answers and you want to know that it's gonna work out just so, but it's really simple. He's like, Have I called you to this? Yes. Then this is what we then this is what you need to do. And you need to trust me with the details. And of course, still planning, still being a wise steward and and all of those things. I don't walk into it blindly, but instead of getting overcomplicated in my feelings and in my thoughts, saying, you know what, this is what God's called me to, and I'm gonna trust him in it, and I'm gonna walk forward with that little bit of faith.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

It's beautiful. So when when is this transition happening?

SPEAKER_01 31:20

So kind of imminently, honestly, my semester will wrap up in about a week, and then I'll of course have a pile of grading to work through. And then and then about a month later, um, is kind of when I'll probably be fully kind of disentangled from all of all of the responsibility there and and be able to shift into. So this summer is really when that shift is happening.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

Wow. And you've let everybody know, like this isn't like first news here.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

Breaking news right here with Kristen.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

Yeah, no, I uh I had the yeah, all the all the people that need to know before you make a public announcement like this do know. And I actually have had some really beautiful conversations with my my current boss and colleagues, and and that's been really it's been really sweet. You always kind of worry, at least I do, again, overcomplicating things, that you're gonna disappoint people and they're gonna be upset with you and whatever. And it is just as I've had these conversations, it's been this beautiful affirmation that I'm sure they're gonna they're sad to see me go because we love working together, but they're they've been so supportive and kind. And it's just been that affirmation that even though change and stepping out into a new direction can be a little bit scary and unknown, that it's just been affirmation that it's it's the right, it's the right thing and and that God is leading me.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

Yes, that God is leading you, period. Yes, exclamation point. That's right, right? Absolutely. And well, way to go, like taking such a huge step of faith. I I left corporate almost five years ago now. Wow. And it was wild. And I'm I'm gonna leave that for another day. But um, I just really like applaud you for for taking this big step of faith. And truly, like that, that's one of the that's what we need to do is if he says go, we we go. And we we don't always know, so I don't I don't want to start rapping. You go and then you don't know, but we know that he's leading the way. So I cannot wait to hear more about your journey. I'm sure you're gonna have so much goodness coming through this this road that he's gonna be leading you on. I believe you might have launched something recently beyond your group, said I'm remembering that correctly.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Tell us about what this is. Yeah. So I just released my first book. Yay! Yes, yeah, it's called Journaling as a Spiritual Practice, tracing the lines of grace to God's presence. And the in the book, I share our story, the one that I've shared some of here with with you today about our son's diagnosis and the kind of decade-long journey it took me on in terms of learning to find God's hand in that story. And a huge part of that was through journaling. So it's telling our story, but it's also talking about how journaling was such a vital practice for me through that season. You pulling on some of pulling forward some of the research that I started doing about why is writing so healing? Like what is happening here, pulling that into the book. And then every chapter has three journaling prompts. Because if we're gonna talk about journaling, we're also gonna do some journaling.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

So I love it. You gotta get activated, right? That's right. I I want to just make sure that I touch on this really quick because you mentioned pen to paper. Yeah. Now, I know some people who journal, you know, maybe they use the computer. And could you maybe share a little bit, if you don't mind? Maybe in your research, maybe in your own journey, or maybe even others' journey of journaling. I love saying that, journey of journaling. Is there is there a difference? Like, do you find that could you just share maybe a little bit more about that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

So journaling is journaling, whether you are

Simplicity And A Big Career Shift

SPEAKER_01 35:25

writing by hand on a piece of paper, or whether you are jotting your thoughts down in your notes app on your phone or typing away in a Google Doc on your computer. If you are translating the thoughts in your head on to some kind of page, whether that's digital or physical, it is journaling and it is beneficial and a beautiful thing. Now, there are a couple of differences that can affect maybe the outcome of the journaling. So I know for me personally, I prefer writing by hand because it slows me down. I tend to type pretty quickly, and so I don't experience that same slowing down when I go to the keyboard. And for me, I associate the keyboard with working. And so it also doesn't uh give me that like, oh, full exhale. And so you might want to think through, it's helpful to think through like what am I, what, what do I associate with these forms or ways of writing and which is going to put me in a good headspace to really be able to listen and lean in to the whisper of God. And then the other thing that we do know about writing by hand is that we tend to remember more when we write by hand than when we type. It's a lot easier to uh for our brains to try and multitask when we're typing things down. We can go a little bit more on autopilot than when we're writing by hand. And it's part of the reason why we can we tend to remember better what we write down on an actual page. But again, I just want to reiterate that doesn't make digital journaling any less. There are just differences to be aware of.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

Yeah, thank you for sharing about that too. I was just kind of curious about, you know, I have like I have a paper journal or several. You probably I'll go back to that in a second. But and then I have I have an app called Journey. Um and it kind of encapsulates like my little moments during the day, which I really enjoyed because I can like type it out. But it's for me person, and I'm just sharing my own personal journey with journaling. There's things that I sometimes want to be able to find. So when I have journals I've written in, I can't go to like the search bar. Right. I I've and I like I actually went back to my first journal that I got after I got saved when I was 25 last year, and it was fascinating. Like it was fascinating to go back and look at these things. Yeah. Answered prayers. So I just love that you're I I think many people needed to hear this today. So I have to ask a question. So you are doing a lot of writing in your journal, like pen to paper. How many journals do you have? Because you've been doing this a long time. Like I know you're only like 35, but yeah. How many, how many journals do you have? Do you know?

SPEAKER_01 38:21

Have you counted? I okay. Full transparency. I have no idea how many I have since I started journaling way back as a kid. But I can tell you currently, I probably have three or four that I'm currently writing in in various ways for different reasons. So, you know, if you take, let's just say I have three, if I have three a year times however many years I've been journaling, I don't know. It's a lot. It's a lot. Probably, I mean, honestly, hundreds at this point. I actually, this was so fun. I was going through an old box. I was looking for some very important paperwork that I still haven't found. But what I did find was my fifth grade school journal.

SPEAKER_04 39:08

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

So our my our teacher had that whole year, every I don't know how I'd have to go and look, but it was probably a couple of times a week. She would give us a prompt that we would have to answer in our journal. And and at the end of the year, she collected it and read through it and graded it or whatever. But it was just all kinds of different questions and and things we had to answer. And that was such a treasure to find. I had no idea I even had it. So to discover it was so much fun because it's probably one of the very first journals I ever kept. Really? And do you remember this teacher's name? Oh, I miss Miss Landers at Gilbert Elementary in the fifth grade.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

I mean, she must have made a pretty big impact. I feel like it's kind of a full circle moment that you had. She led you and now you're leading others.

SPEAKER_01 39:57

Yes. I mean, absolutely. And to just even for me, it's looking back and going, you know, God was planting. Oh, this made me a little emotional. Wow. God was planting those seeds.

unknown 40:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Way back. How many years ago was that? Oh man. So in fifth grade, what are you like 10 or 11? And I'm about to turn 44. So over 30 years ago. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

And you started this about four, so roughly 25 years into the journey. Yeah. Wow. So incredible. And you're wow. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

I just and that's that's what I mean when I talk about tracing the lines of grace.

New Book And How Journaling Works

SPEAKER_01 40:46

That that tell us a little bit more about that.

SPEAKER_03 40:50

That was so powerful when you said that was like wow.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Yeah. It's it's I have this visual in my mind when I say that of kind of like a a ball of yarn or a ball of thread, maybe, and there's one little end, and you start pulling it, and you see where is it taking you? And how far can I pull this? How long does this thread get? And if that thread is God's grace, I mean, his grace is infinite, right? But it's it's just being able to pull that thread and see all of the places and people along the way that have embodied God's grace in my story. And just being able to trace that, you know, in that instance, for example, all the way back to fifth grade, um, to know that God, I'm a part of something bigger than just right here, right now, is is really to me what's at the heart of tracing the line that God's lines of grace in our lives, to realize that He's been, He has been up to things in our lives far longer than we often give him credit for, right?

SPEAKER_03 41:56

Yes, yes. And and wouldn't you say too, like if you think of this journey of journaling, that was technically about 25 years prior to you starting this group. I I feel like there's just this essence of, you know, our world is so fast paced, and you think if you do something that maybe you're called to do, it's supposed to like you know, flourish overnight. So I just feel like we're to like hold on a little longer. Does that make sense? Like, oh yeah, look at the work that he's done in your life, and now you get to pour it back out, and um there's it's such a journey.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

Yeah, it absolutely is. And you know, I had no idea even 10 years ago that this is where the journey would take me. But I have this really vivid memory of of a couple of years ago tracing those lines of grace and feeling as though I was getting to turn a quilt over, a quilt that I'd only seen the back side of. And I couldn't, you know, when you look at the back side of like a piece of cross stitch or anything that's sewn, it can be a little messy and crisscrossed, and you don't know what the full picture is. And then you turn it over and you're like, oh, that's what you've been making this this whole time.

SPEAKER_03 43:14

Yes. Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

Yeah. Anyhow, that's it's just such a it's such a beautiful, it's such a beautiful thing when God gives us those glimpses and um and is it's encouragement, even as I think about it now. I that uh it's not always in our timing and we can't always see what he's doing, but we can trust that he is, he is working and he is working out something beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 43:42

Yes, amen. Say that again.

SPEAKER_01 43:44

Yeah, he is working out something beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 43:48

Yes. Well, I have to go back to one more question. Okay, and I bet somebody else is wondering where do you find these recipes?

SPEAKER_01 44:02

Yes, yes, I am happy to share this. I've been plugging it everywhere. And this is like I don't get paid. This is not an affiliate referral or anything.

SPEAKER_03 44:11

I I gotta know too. I'm sure somebody else does too.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

Yeah. So it's a it's a a website called Joyful Healthy Eats.com. You know, there's if if I can a little backstory to this. I I feel like there's a lot of there's a lot of pressure in our in our culture around food and eating and what's right and wrong and all of that. And I get really frustrated with it. And I was like, I just I just want to I want eating to be a joyful nourishing thing. And so I think I put joyful nourishing food. I think that's what I Google searched. And that's how I found that that's how I found that blog. And every week she puts out a a new a new meal plan for the whole week. For the whole week. For free. Yes, for free. It's amazing. And if I'm remembering right, I actually think her name might be Kristen, maybe, which Kristins are doing great things in the world, apparently.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

I guess so. Well, you guys go check this out too. Thank you for bringing this key to us as well. Yeah, you're welcome. It's been a joy. It's been joyful to have you on. I would love for you to share just as we close today. I shared with you and listeners who know

Tracing Grace Then Closing Prayer

SPEAKER_03 45:25

that I I really do this for the one. So if you could just get in mind the one who's listening in today, do you have any other like words of wisdom or encouragement that you'd want to speak over them? And then would you pray us out today?

SPEAKER_01 45:36

Yeah, absolutely. My encouragement for that one, just that one person is to trust that God is doing good and faithful things in your life. And heavenly father, I'm first thankful for Kristen and this conversation and that we were able to connect. Lord, I love how you are a God of connection and relationship and community. These are good gifts that you have given us. Would you give us courage to make the one ask, the one time of the one person? And that through that, God, we might sense you and your presence, become more fully aware of how much you love us and how kind you are and generous and good you are. And Lord, for anybody listening who might benefit from taking pen to page and exploring their heart and your heart for them through the words that they journal. God, would you just encourage them to pick up the pen and just write one word down and see where it might take them? Lord, we love you. We're so thankful for you. And I pray all these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_03 47:15

Amen. Well, thank you, Allison, and thank you for being a brave voice who's setting so many free. I'm gonna close with the hope unlocked anchoring verse, which is may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. And that's Romans 15, 13. I will be back with another episode next week. Thanks, Alison. Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

Thanks so much, Kristen.

SPEAKER_03 47:40

Thank you.